


Centripetal Force

by ryuseitai



Category: Kamen Rider Zi-O
Genre: Kamen Rider - Freeform, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Psychological Horror, wozkasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuseitai/pseuds/ryuseitai
Summary: Tsukasa is drawn to Woz by an unknown desire.
Relationships: Tsukasa Kadoya/Woz
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Centripetal Force

Once upon a time there was a time traveller. He loved scarfs :) But what he craved even more was…. Romance. When he had all but given up on this dream, that’s when he met…….. Him. *flashback start*

~

It was a warm summer’s eve, while tsukasa was on his bi hourly walk along the beach. As per usual, he was taking his second walk backwards with his eyes closed. The twink remincised as his Bare toes hit the sand, hoping he didn’t step on another nail, getting tetanus for the umpteenth time. Tsukasa was suddenly startled by a noise to his northnorthwest, his third favourite direction. He turned around, startled, and gazed upon the ocean where the noise came from. Riding in on a surfboard as elegantly as an elephant juggling ice cream cones was the majestic time jacker of his dreams.

“Salutations, Tsukasa!” The surfboarding cryptid did the macarena at a rapid speed, too fast for the human eye as he approached him. Tsukasa froze; he had seen the creature before, out of his rider suit, but clad in the 90’s esque neon and silver… it ignited a feeling that the magenta bitch had not felt in many moons.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Tsukasa exclaimed exclaimedly. “Stop doing that stupid fucking dance, you look like a moron.” But yet…. Deep down… he felt something his words did not convey… Woz only smiled and continued to do the macarena at alarming speeds, until he reached the shore to meet the man.

“IWA-” The time jacker jackled, immediately eating shit and falling face first into the sand. God that was so hot. The scarf wearing man stayed submerged in sand for approximately 45 seconds before popping his head up and locking his gaze onto Tsukasa. “However,” he coughed to dislodge the sand from his windpipes, flareon is the only fully-evolved fire-type pokemon that cannot learn solar beam."

“Actually,” Tsukaska TSKSED. “As of generation VII, Salazzle also cannot learn Solar beam.” God, correcting idiots on pokemon facts made him ache with desire. Desire to what? Even he himself was not sure. He only knew that he ached, deeply and profoundly. Woz chuckled, inhaling a mouthful of sand, and stood up dramatically.

“Shall we take a walk, Tsukasa?”

“Tch,” Tsukasa tch’d. “Fine. It doesn’t matter to me. I never say my true feelings about anything, it’s kind of a character trait.”

Woz took his arm and began to woz wozzily down the beach. However, Tsukasa did not jaunt similarly, so he ended up just kind of like dragging Tsukasa along awkwardly, like a shitty first date in middle school where one is really excited but the other one is only dating out of a misplaced obligation to perform gender roles.

And then they had sex, just kidding this is a Christian fanfiction and also Woz does not and cannot fuck, he reproduces asexually, and also Tsukasa is celibate, voluntarily.

“Damn, you kind of smell like shit,” Woz commented, taking a large and rather inappropriately obvious sniff of Tsukasa’s fingers.

“Sorry, I was just eating SO MUCH sand LOBSTERS with my bare hands and also not cracking the shell because i’m not weak. That’s why God gave us teeth. To eat Lobsters whole. To do anything else would be a mockery of God’s beautiful and perfect creation.” He stepped closer. “Do you take me for a blasphemous man, Wozzington?”

Woz smirked. “What else are your lips good for if not to spout heresy.”

Tsukasa grinned back. But just as he leaned in to seal the deal, Woz spoke again:

“And why did God give lobsters teeth?” Woz asked, and then evaporated. Tsukasa had spoken his true name and therefore he had to stop existing. The lobster that had apparated in his place began rotating at increasing speed. It needed to destress after a long day.

We zoom out. Persona Joker is there, waiting in the shadows, eating at least four whole chicken nuggets. Wow, look at him go. “Persomna.” he personed, chicken falling out of his mouth, yet never hitting the ground….

Even though the man had disappeared, Tsukasa still heard the echo of his voice in his mind that night as he lay comfortably wrapped in his anti-masturbation cross.

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Over Quartzers, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret timeline changes on the Zio Timeline, and I have over 300 confirmed murders of Geiz. I am trained in time jacking warfare and I’m the top henshin hero in the entire Quartzer empire. You are nothing to me but another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with the precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this timeline, mark my fucking worms. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Future note? Think again, Fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Timeline and your Decadriver is being traced right now so you better prepare for the byondriver, pink bitch. The henshin that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a driver. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can eradicate you from the timeline in over one way, and that’s just with my advent calendar. Not only am I extensively trained in untransformed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of future riders and i will use it to the full extent to wipe your pink ass off the face of waga maou’s timeline, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” TV show ending was about to bring down upon the tokubros, maybe you would have skipped straight to W. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying for a CSM Neo Decadriver, you goddamn idiot. I will time jack fury all over you and you will IWAE in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”


End file.
